


The G.B.C.F.C!

by WhisperElmwood



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Crack, Humor, M/M, Sexual Content, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-01
Updated: 2011-08-01
Packaged: 2017-10-22 02:11:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/232567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperElmwood/pseuds/WhisperElmwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Master Chef, Rock Lee, needs some serious help. So he calls in TV Chef Gaara Ramsey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The G.B.C.F.C!

**Author's Note:**

> Silly AU written for a friend, written mid-2007. I don't even, by the way. This is just so much crack upon crack. Also, it's based on the TV series presented and starring Gordon Ramsey.

Being a Master Chef was Lee's dream.

He worked exceptionally hard - forcing himself to study at all hours, practice at every given moment and punish himself for every transgression made. He trained under the world renowned Maito Gai, most amazing Head Chef of the popular Green Beast restaurant. He modeled not only his cooking style, but also his personal style, on the brilliant - if energetically eccentric - man.

After leaving the Green Beast, he had high hopes of striking out on his own, but he ended up working in a small kitchen, for a small restaurant with big ideas. He was underpaid, overworked and constantly tired - so he never had time to work on his own culinary creations. The owners had an awful menu, too many staff and not enough business sense to run the place properly.

Lee despaired of ever becoming the chef he aspired to be. He knew he was wasted in this restaurant. In a final fit of self preservation, he filled out the application form for the G.Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares show, sent it off and then warned the owners.

Hopefully, the world famous, strict and rather foul mouthed Head Chef would be able to sort the place out.

\----

Six months passed and Lee had completely forgotten the application was ever sent. He continued to despair of his future. He watched patron after patron leave unhappy and never return. He argued with the owners about setting a new menu. He yelled at his kitchen staff and he threatened to quit.

Then, one day, Gaara Ramsey was in the restaurant, ordering the best meal on the menu.

He did his best, he really did, but even the best meal on the menu was a disgrace.

An hour later, after meeting the owners and staff, trying and disliking the meal, Gaara Ramsey was in his kitchen, eyeing it from the perspective of a professional.

"This is one of the smallest fucking kitchens I've ever seen!"

Lee couldn't disagree.

"You work in this shit-hole?"

Lee nodded, forcing back the blush of shame.

"Do you even have a fucking voice, Chef?"

"Uh, yes, sir! Chef Maito often told me I have an excellent set of lungs, sir!"

The nice guy pose didn't seem to impress Gaara Ramsey much.

\----

Over the next few days, he worked as hard as he ever had for Chef Maito, his words of praise and encouragement ringing in his ears the whole time, keeping him going, even when the owners did their best to piss Chef Ramsey off.

To Gaara's credit, Lee found himself praised often on his cooking and his ability to 'put up with this shit.'

Lee consulted with Gaara - and the owners, eventually - over the new menu, happy to finally be allowed to show off his considerable culinary skills. Once done, he stood back and watched as the restaurant was transformed from pretentious up-start, to chic, with a simple lick of paint and some new furniture.

When they finally reopened, his cooking went down a storm and his speciality, the Green Beast Chocolate Fudge Cake (named for his first teacher) was ordered by every patron - sometimes twice.

\----

He missed Gaara Ramsey's presence during the obligatory three week trial period. Especially as the owners began to fall back into their old ways, hiring more unnecessary staff and fiddling with his menu.

Inevitably - just two weeks into the three week trial period - despite Lee's best efforts, the retaurant closed and he found himself out of a job.

When Gaara Ramsey returned, to film the follow up segment, Lee was the only ex employee willing to talk to him and the crew. Thoroughly depressed, Lee explained what happened, showed them the boarded up windows, the 'for sale' sign and generally lamented the loss.

He and Gaara shook hands, promising to keep in touch, and he didn't see the famous chef again for another six months. Though he thought of him often.

\----

Two nights after his episode aired, Lee was enjoying a quiet evening by himself. He had spent the day making various chocolate cakes, devising new recipes - though none had yet turned out equal to his G.B.C.F.C.

Sipping a glass of wine, he started and nearly choked when there was an unexpected knocking on his front door. Carefully placing the glass on his coffee table, he went to see who it was.

When he opened the door, Gaara Ramsey was standing there. Behind him, a large black SUV was parked at the end of his front garden - two large looking men sitting, one in front, the other in back, watching him closely.

"Sorry Mr Rock, I totally forgot how fucking good you were, until my sister Temari showed me your episode today. May I come in?"

Eyeing the two burly looking men, Lee nodded and waved him in. In a state of utter bewilderment, Lee made the man a mug of coffee (he still remembered how he liked it, even after six months) and gave him a slice of his G.B.C.F.C.

Gaara sat on the sofa and sipped the coffee, "I'm starting a new restaurant, the Shukakau. I want you as part of my team, Second Chef."

Lee once again nearly choked on his wine. This was not the conversation he had been anticipating.

Gaara eye'd him over the rim of the coffee mug, "I already have Uzumaki Naruto and Inuzuka Kiba - they're excellent chef's, to be sure, but they don't know how to run a kitchen. I've seen you at work, however. You're fucking brilliant!"

Lee put his glass down. High praise from such a chef! He honestly didn't think he'd be able to finish the wine at this rate.

"I have Aburame Shino as Maitre 'D - had to steal him from the Kikaichu Palace! Obviously, he'll be running the floor."

Aburame Shino? Lee had met the man just once - he was scary. Gaara must be paying him a fortune, for the man to have left his families restaurant!

"Will you join the team?"

Lee didn't even think about it, "Of course!"

Gaara Ramsey nodded and finally tried a bite of the cake. His face slowly melted from stern but pleased, to sheer pleasure, to perfectly blank.

Watching the man's face, Lee began to worry - had he done something wrong? He ran through the cooking process in his head - he didn't think he'd made any mistakes. But if he had, then he would run ten times around the block! And once home, he would remake the cake three times! Testing each himself!

As Lee made these internal declarations, Gaara put down the cake and the fork. He turned to Lee with a solemn look.

"Rock Lee, I fucking love you. That is the BEST cake I have ever tasted in my entire fucking life."

Lee could only gape. What a strange and unexpected declaration, especially coming from the man he admired, idolized (and sometimes even fantasized about - though he wasn't going to mention that.)

Gaara slid across the sofa towards him, effectively shutting off Lee's thought process. Before he knew it, the red-haired man had crushed their lips together and was forcibly kissing him.

It had to be the chocolate, Lee thought as his mind swam into happy bliss.

Lee soon found himself pinned to the sofa, being rather thoroughly claimed as Gaara kissed him into submission. Not that he minded. In a moment, his shirt was gone and Gaara paused.

Lee looked down at his chest, then back up to Gaara, a question in his eyes.

"You're a chef, how the bloody hell have you got...this?" Gaara indicated Lee's rippling, lightly dusted with coarse black hair, muscles.

"I train, to keep my body and mind fit for my one true calling!" The nice guy pose didn't quite work when being pressed into an overstuffed sofa.

Gaara blinked at him, "Never mind. Help me get this bloody jumper off."

In very little time, they were both naked and Lee began to worship the lithe body of his new employer.

The differences between them were stark. Gaara was all smooth white skin, while he was tan, buff and hairy. Gaara didn't seem to mind though, considering the stream of expletives escaping as Lee sucked him off (noting as he did, that Gaara Ramsey was a natural red-head.)

Gaara grunted and went silent as he came, gripping Lee's shoulders very tightly - but he didn't care. He caught as much of Gaara's spendings as he could and slicked himself before lifting one white leg and pressing against the offered opening.

He looked Gaara in the eyes and the red-head frowned, "Fuck me, Rock Lee. Fuck me hard!"

So he did.

Hours later, sated, sweaty, but very, very happy, Lee lifted his head from Gaara's shoulder and asked, "What was that about?"

Gaara looked impassively back at him, "Chocolate, Rock Lee. My one true weakness. Any man that can do what you do with it, deserves all the attention I can give him."

Lee blinked, not sure how to respond to that.

"That, and you're fucking hot."

Lee grinned. It looked like he was going to enjoy his new job.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm unsure as to whether or not I have any regrets regarding this fic.


End file.
